#at least that I've published!!

[spiltsoup]

Ohhhh boy it's Ally McBeal Yuri time! Triple Drabble written for the "Enemies to Lovers" prompt on Femslash February Bingo!

WARNING: THIS IS EXPLICIT SMUT

[release-the-sheep]

thinking my thoughts as always and I think I need everyone who sent me 🍇 during the fruit ask game to know that actually,

this shit. this moment. the way Jane moves and is, here. this is the one that won't leave me alone, and while I have not written anything with it and don't have any concrete plans to do so, it does light my brain up like a pinball machine every time I look at it.

that is a wild animal. nothing is going to hurt Maura, absolutely not, but Jane is not operating on a human level in this moment. and that makes me lose it. whatever's governing her right then is deeper than rationality, logic, all the things that supposedly set us above the rest of the animal kingdom. and if this is how Jane is most effective, she's willing to do away with all of those things. she's willing to accept that she is that animal, if Maura needs her to be. the way she bends down over Maura's body is like... I don't even know, man. It's like a hunter laying claim to their fresh kill, or a scavenger laying claim to a carcass. It's a mother sheltering her young. It makes me go psychosexual David Attenborough, hitting every 50's lesbian pulp trope but through a Discovery Channel lens. it's "don't fuck with me", but in a growl that human vocal chords are not adapted to make.

we talk about guard dog Jane a lot but what if, yknow?

[rizwalda]

♫ that's not my name ♩ ♪

[dickfuckk]

A love letter to the hair team for OFMD

Inspired by and dedicated to @bizarrelittlemew You should also check out her fic Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe that mentions Hair several times ✌️

[sunflowersandcherryblossoms]

I think it's kinda unfair that to read more Byaichi, I have to write it myself...

[generic-sonic-fan]

hehehe have a snippet of the beginning of the Blaze x Omega fic for you all

---

Blaze visited Sonic’s world even when she wasn’t needed, meaning that it was more often than she would care to admit. 

It became a secret indulgence- the words slipped out of her mouth so easily these days. I’m sorry, but the Guardian of the Chaos Emeralds requires me, she’d tell her advisors when nothing immediately pressing was occurring in the Sol Kingdom.

But now, as her flames danced around her, the fury of her soul expressing itself in its purest form, she couldn’t find it within herself to feel guilty. 

The timing of this visit was rather poor- there was no actual impending crisis, so Sonic wasn’t around. Instead, his brother Tails had awkwardly pointed her towards some of Sonic’s other allies who were set to attack one of Eggman’s strategic positions today. 

Shadow the Hedgehog teleported alongside of her and, with a crisp bolt of chaos energy, blasted the remaining robot in the room that she had not yet scalded. He let out a strange ‘hmph’, something vaguely triumphant-sounding, as the metal scrap fell to the floor. Then he teleported off again, likely somewhere deeper within the facility, racing ahead of her as if they were playing in some imaginary competition that he was obsessed with winning. 

Blaze looked back to the entry doorway to see Rouge the Bat fly in and, instead of continuing down the path Blaze had just cleared with her flames, made for the circulation vent in the ceiling above.

“Where are you going?” Blaze shouted.

Rouge only hesitated for a second. “Don’t worry your pretty little head, princess.” 

Blaze crossed her arms and exhaled, smoke billowing out of her nostrils. Some ‘team’ this was. By the time she looked back, Rouge was already gone. Blaze was alone, surrounded by scrap. 

She tried to remember the actual objective of the mission from the oh-so-short mission briefing. No doubt Shadow knew it, but of course he wasn’t here right now and didn’t seem keen on being followed. Blaze looked around the room to find three doors. She picked one and ran to it. 

The door controls were locked, and a quick few taps on the armored plating allowed her to guess the temperature required for her to make her own entrance. She called on the flames within her, fueling them with her own breath and her rage, before shoving her hands against the metal. 

In an instant, the metal boiled, then vaporized. She pulled her palms apart, sending the scalding metal shards to the sides. Then, with a clench of her fist, she cooled the white-hot metal back down to gray so that she could pass through the new entrance to the halls beyond. 

“YOU BURN THINGS VERY WELL!”

Blaze whipped around and extended her fist, ready to blow a ball of flame towards the source of the robotic voice, before recognition stayed her hand. For his credit, E-123 Omega did not seem surprised by the near barrage.

“AND WITH ACCURACY, IN ADDITION!” 

[satsuha]

been thinking about making more merch for some of my other interests for next year's cons, let me know what you'd be interested in seeing!

(something else only refers to some other series i'm familiar with)

[aceredshirt13]

gang i have to share this P. G. Wodehouse quote with you all because ever since I found it I can't stop thinking about it. it's from a letter he wrote when he was 78 years old to his friend Guy Bolton (many thanks to P. G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters)

I have been on the sick list myself, but am better now. Inflamed bladder or chill on the bladder or something, the symptoms being agony when I passed water, as the expression is. It brought back the brave old days when I used to get clap.

he really said "yeah the pain from my bladder issue reminds of the days when I used to have so much sex I repeatedly got venereal disease"

[oatmilk-vampire]

I don’t talk about my books often, but this is something monumental.

My book just made its way to my local library on Friday, and to my atonishment people actually want to read. Are actually reading it.

I'm this close to having a panic attack.

[orangedodge]

The Mekanix 2.0 Kitty Pryde PTSD tour going pretty much as I'd hoped.

And it takes place in Bridgeport!

Truly, this is a comic written to appeal specifically to me, and maybe six other people.

[probablygayattorneys]

I'm breaking my no self-promotion rule (okay, not a rule, just more a pattern) once again to share that over on my Ao3 account, I have written a story just for this holiday season, and once again my incredible friend ziegfried_jpg of Twitter drew some PHENOMENAL art for, so if you have some downtime this holiday season and would like somewhere to set your bags down and get the color back into your cheeks and rest awhile, please enjoy Miles Edgeworth being supernaturally terrorized into being a better person!

[secondbeatsongs]

iCarly Meta, Part 5: Socko, Nominative Determinism, and How I Spend My Free Time

so, you may remember that I've made four separate iCarly posts before, because I am just way too into this dorky, ridiculous children's show.

well, over a year ago, I wrote this fifth one. and after some introspection, some really deep self-evaluation about what I want and where I'm going in life, I've decided that it's time to share it with the world at large

so...let's talk about Socko's family!

to catch you up: Socko is Spencer's best friend, who designs all of the fun socks that Spencer wears! he's first mentioned in s01e07 (iScream on Halloween), though some of his socks are shown as early as s01e02 (iWant More Viewers).

(technical note: production-wise, s01e09 is listed before s01e07, and I think that was intended to be Socko's introduction, and it would make sense, considering how Spencer describes him in that ep. but I can't prove this, and so we move on.)

while Socko is mentioned consistently throughout the show, he's never fully shown on screen. but, he does technically appear in an episode, because you can see part of his arm in s04e11-s04e13 (iParty with Victorious) when he hands Spencer the keys to his van.

Spencer and Socko have known each other since at least 1999 (as mentioned in s02e12, iRocked the Vote) when Spencer would have been 17 or 18. and despite Socko almost never being shown, it's clear that he spends a lot of time with Spencer, and that they're close. if Spencer needs something, Socko is always willing to call in a favor from one of his family members.

and boy, does Socko have a lot of very interesting family members.

let's go over some of them real quick:

Bernie is a welder, Otto is a used car salesman, Tyler designs neckties, Taylor is a tailor, Rob is a thief, Arty is an artist, Isaac is an optometrist, and Ryder is a motorcycle enthusiast.

are we noticing a pattern here?

every single one of these is an aptronym – a personal name that is aptly or peculiarly suited to its owner. and since all of these people are in some way related, this is fascinating to me.

it seems like Socko's family is really into nominative determinism – the idea that people tend to gravitate towards areas of work that fit their names. whether or not this is true of people in real life is unclear, but in the universe of iCarly, this is something that Socko's family is all about.

when did it start, I wonder? who was the first in the family to have a job or hobby that related directly to their name? and who continued that pattern? because someone named Bernard going by "Bernie" and taking up welding is one thing, but an entire family of people going into fields that have to do with their names is unsettling.

is this on purpose, now? do the parents in Socko's family choose names for their children based on what they want them to be? is there an expectation that each child will have to choose a profession based on what their parents name them?

I think there is. and I think it's fucked up.

imagine growing up knowing that your name would control your future career options. that no matter how you felt about your name, choosing a career or hobby that matched it is what would make your parents happy. that at least some portion of your parents' love is tied to the idea that you will be what they named you.

and depending on the name, the kids aren't always left with a lot of options! someone named Bernie could be a welder, a woodburning artist, a firefighter, etc...but for Taylor, there's really only one path to take.

what if a kid is trans? I just have to wonder, would they be judged more for not identifying with their assigned sex at birth, or for changing their name?

and one of Socko's cousins is named Mary. think about that with me for a second – Mary.

imagine that the only dream your parents have for you is that you get married. and not just fall in love! no, you were given this name because their express purpose, their biggest hope for you is that you get legally married.

what if Mary had been gay? what if she grew up with fear in her heart, knowing that the only thing her parents had ever wanted from her wasn't possible, was actually illegal, because of who she was?

or what if she had been aro, or ace, or just otherwise not interested in relationships? or what if she was interested in relationships, but not the serious, legal commitment of marriage?

my hope here (my one fragile hope) is that Rob, Mary, and Josh are siblings, and that their parents were trying to escape this part of the family legacy. maybe they named their kids Robert, Marian, and Joshua, and tried to steer clear of any obvious career choices – but then their sons started going by "Josh" and "Rob" and causing trouble, and "Mary" started talking about her upcoming wedding, and they knew that they would never be free of the family curse.

'cause it's gotta be a curse, right? I feel like at this point, it has to be.

but hey, worry not! because I think there are some loopholes.

Penny, for example, had a lot of choices – she could have minted coins, or built fences, or designed ball-point pens, or been a cashier (etc, etc). but she didn't do any of those things! she started a t-shirt company, and made shirts with fun phrases on them like "church pants" and "parole baby" and "chest words" (all shirts I would wear for real).

her job didn't have anything to do with her name – but she still followed the family pattern. she named her t-shirt company "Penny-Tees", and sewed a single penny into each of her shirts. instead of finding a name-based occupation, she made her own.

I really think it's brilliant – she got to do what she wanted, and her parents couldn't complain, because it still suited her name! and if this pattern is curse-based, she found a way around it by following it to the letter (but not exactly the spirit), and because of this, she got to make her own choices.

and speaking of jobs that may or may not suit one's name: let's talk about Socko.

early in the show when we're introduced to him, we know three things about him:

he knows where to find huge pumpkins

he sells Spencer all of his wacky socks

his name is Socko

but, thinking about that third point…is it?

like, is his name actually Socko?

let's look at Socko's family tree for a moment:

(ID in alt text)

(yes, I made this. it took over two days. I skimmed through many episodes, looked through a large amount of the old iCarly website on the Wayback Machine, and as far as I know, this is canon accurate.)

(shhh, this was absolutely a valuable use of my time. don't worry about it.)

look at his family. look at the names.

almost all of them are, well…normal names. names that could belong to any acquaintance, friend, or relative in your own everyday life.

the only real exceptions here are Freight Dog, Boomer, and Dr. Paxil – but if we're being real? "Freight Dog" is almost definitely a nickname, "Paxil" isn't that strange-sounding of a surname, and I have actually seen people named "Boomer".

so that just leaves…Socko.

"Socko" is not a people name. it sounds mean, but I don't know how else to word that – it's just not a name for a human person.

it would be a great name for a cat or a dog (especially if they had paws that were a different color from their body – man, that'd be so cute!), but it is not a name that many parents would willingly give to a human child. especially when all of the other siblings in the family have relatively normal names.

my theory, my hottest take: I don't think "Socko" is his legal name.

think about it: Socko and every single one of his siblings went into the fashion industry. even accounting for the fact that they probably wanted Penny to have a different career, would Socko's parents really want all three of their other children going into the same industry, especially one as tumultuous and challenging as fashion design?

I think not. I think they gave Socko a different name, one that they believed would lead him down a completely distinct career path. and then, like Penny, Socko found his own true calling – but instead of changing his occupation to match his name? he changed his name to match his occupation.

it is my belief that Socko's birth name…the name his parents gave him…

(drumroll please)

…was "Socrates".

now hold on, just stay with me here. because I swear that this does make sense, really!

so, back at the beginning of this post I mentioned nominative determinism, but that term wasn't actually used until 1994. before then, it was called "onomastic determinism" or "die verpflichtung des namens" ("the obligation of the name"), but it wasn't really…a thing? it wasn't something that people really studied, and when they did, nobody could seem to come to a solid conclusion about whether or not your name does actually influence your career choice.

I think that in some way, Socko's parents wanted an answer. they wanted an explanation as to why their family tree reads like a joke book. and by naming their kid "Socrates", they were sending that question out into the world, hoping for a response.

because there were really two options here – either Socko would grow up to be a philosopher, someone who could search for meaning in the pattern of family job-finding, or he wouldn't. and if he didn't, if he threw off the shackles of his name and did something else entirely, then that in itself would be an answer.

and sure, maybe his parents should have thought about how "Socrates" might be abbreviated. maybe they should have considered that he could grow up to design socks. but hindsight is 20/20, and I don't know if that's something any parent would expect of their child, so I won't hold that against them.

I will however, judge them for naming two of their kids "Taylor" and "Tyler" – like, my god. can you imagine how often people got them mixed up? it's inhumane.

even worse if they were twins! though actually, that would make some kind of twisted sense – to give twins names that not only match, but that would lead them to careers in the same industry. maybe they wanted them to go into business together? hoo boy.

anyway, sorry, I've gone off-topic. back to Socko – or should I say, Socrates.

"Socrates" is a pretty fun name. two parts of it are σῶς (sôs, “safe and sound”) and κράτος (krátos, “power”), which is an interesting name meaning for a dude who was executed for corrupting the youth.

(I'm talking about the philosopher here – as far as I know, Socko from iCarly was not executed for corrupting the youth. at least, not yet.)

and if we keep thinking about Socrates (the philosopher), I think there's another reason that this name fits: we know fuck-all about Socrates.

sure, he's well-known – lots of people know about his ideas, and the Socratic method – but…he never actually wrote anything. everything we think we know about him, we learned from somebody else.

all of Socrates' interests, his skills, his beliefs? they were all things we learned from Plato, Xenophon, or (I guess) Aristophanes. we have no idea what the dude was actually like, outside of that.

just like we have no idea what Socko is like, outside of what Spencer says.

Socrates is a vital figure in the history of western philosophy, but all of the things we know about him are altered by the opinions of other people, filtered through the lenses of their perception.

and Socko is a vital character in the show iCarly, but all of the things we know about him – his hobbies, his opinions, his wants – are things we've heard second-hand from Spencer.

(you're laughing. Spencer Shay is a stand-in for Plato, and you're laughing.)

so in a very fun way, Socko (Socrates) did live up to his name…by being unknown to us, the audience.

us, watching this TV show the way chained prisoners watch shadows dance on the wall of a cave.

continuing down this rabbit hole…does this mean that one of the iCarly crew is Aristotle?

no…perhaps that's taking it too far.

(it'd be Gibby)

final notes:

I haven't seen all of the iCarly reboot yet (I'm on episode 3! I have mixed feelings, but I think one of the writers ships the thing that I ship, so that's fun), so if it mentions something about Socko lore, I unfortunately do not know about it.

fun fact: the ancient Greeks did often have names that were meant to have sway on their lives! for example: Hedistē ("most delightful"), Demotimos ("honored among the people"), Hippodamas ("horse-tamer"), Nikomachē ("victorious in battle").

additional fun fact: I asked one of the mods of the iCarly wiki, and they said I could put the family tree I made on the page for Socko's Family! :D

look! it's my thing! the thing that I made! how cool is that?!

(I'll be real; I am way too proud of this)

yes, two of Socko's family members have inaptronyms instead of aptronyms: Harry (bald) and Jean (allergic to denim). but in my mind, they still count – the names are still weirdly suited to their specific lives.

since I'm pretty sure "Freight Dog" is a nickname, I also took a crack at what I think his legal name might be. my theory? "Aaron".

(get it? Aaron? because he's in the air? okay, I'll see myself out.)

anyway, my new hobby is coming up with more family members for Socko to have. descend with me into the deepest reaches of The Headcanon Zone, and behold:

Lisa: She's a landlord (she leases apartments). Socko hates her.

Barry: A big ol' bear of a man. Or he could work for Gund or Build-a-Bear or something. That could be fun!

Mike: Audio technician

Amy: Sharpshooter

Summer: Camp counselor

Tony: Orthopedist. (toe-knee)

Marty: Owns and operates a supermarket

and because it's fun, my friend @wonderbound joined in and came up with these super great ones:

Drew: Illustrator

Cody: Programmer or hacker

Pete: Bryologist (he studies moss!)

Norm: He's just a guy

Flo: Plumber – or maybe, an expert in fluid dynamics

Hattie: Milliner (she makes hats)

Howl: Werewolf (or perhaps, the owner of a moving castle 👀)

Will: Estate planning attorney (he writes wills)

anyway, I think that's about it. thanks for coming with me on this adventure! I hope it was as much of a rollercoaster to read as it was to write, because yeah, it was a weird one over here.

I mean, it started out normal? but then the next thing I knew, I had gotten invested, made nine edits to the iCarly wiki, and designed that whole family tree. so I think maybe I went a little overboard with this one. xD

tune in next time, for…I dunno. I think my brain needs a break after that. but, eventually I would love to write more meta! just…maybe not all for iCarly? I have some things to say about Gravity Falls that I think are gonna blow your minds.

(not really; I just think it's great)

[mqfx]

most fanfic smut isn't good

[aerodaltonimperial]

woke up feeling weirdly grateful to fandom (must be pride month lol) so just wanted to toss out a big thank you to anyone who has ever read my fics. you really make me feel like i matter when i hear that my words make people happy or flaily or screaming or what have you. it honestly means the world to me knowing that people take their own free time and use it to read things i have written; given everything, i can't overstate how much this helps to heal over the big me vs. writing/publishing wounds. 💚💚💚 i had really truly considered leaving fandom the past few weeks, but i don't want to any longer, and a huge part of that is you wonderful folks for being here.

[neomanateefromexiletribe]

life is worth living again, we're getting that act ii sequel

[thenixkat]

Oh no, I am most certainly not reading the new 52 run for Jaime. Everything I've seen and heard about it sounds like straight ass and edge and I actually like myself.

True I'm having a terrible time with Jaime's Rebirth runs cause it's all just kinda bad as far as I'm concerned compared to how well done the 2006 run was. And there's so many decisions that come off as bad or poorly thought out. But at least it's not 'what if we rehashed this entirely but several times worse just because we're edgy now'.

Like the Graduation Day/Scarab War stuff feels like a first draft that could have used a second and third draft b4 going to print what with the 'yer retreading territory that was already done pretty solid in a way that feels vaguely insulting' vibes. And I didn't like the art style what with the weird shit it was doing with people's mouths/expressions and how distractingly shiny it was trying to be.

Also, I'm currently like 12 issues deep into the 2016 run for Jaime and it's really bad. Like? The art? Shit tier. Whitewashing half these people, many don't look like the people they're supposed to be, and somehow the worst attempt at drawing a person with freckles I've ever seen. The writing? Ass tier. Like damn yall did Dan dirty. Dirty dirty, good lords, giving the vibes of gotta rush through these fuckers to get to the version of the Blue Beetle we wanna work with in a way that feels disrespectful to ALL of the Blue Beetles. And the whole 'let's retcon Khaji Da back to being magic even tho there's two previous runs of it being alien tech oh wait oops we wanna do a Reach storyline so we'll retcon it back to being alien tech later' is... certainly something.

I know that when I pick up a Blue Beetle book I wanna see fuckin Dr. Fate (I don't, I don't care for Dr. Fate's whole thing of enslaving its host for the greater good and no one freeing poor Mr. Nelson gods damn that's horrifying how many heroes are ok with that) and an Atleantian and magic shit for like 8 issues without any of Jaime's rogue gallery showing up other than a bastard version of the Posse that feels like canon fodder based on their designs alone. (/sarcasm)